Sleep Information > Babies 4 to 12 months > Teaching your baby to self-settle
|
|
Teaching your baby to self-settleWhy should you bother to teach your baby to settle himself at bedtime? Why not continue feeding or rocking your baby to sleep, so you don't need to listen to your baby crying? It depends if you want to continue getting up to your baby many times in the night. If your own mental health and well being is suffering as a result of continued sleep deprivation it is also a good idea to start to improve your baby's sleep. Research has shown about 50% of cases of post natal depression can be resolved by teaching the baby to sleep. Once babies are over 5 months, their sleep cycles change considerably. Rather than drift in and out of light sleep throughout the night, babies now wake fully between sleep cycles. So babies ALL wake 4-6 times or more each night. For a baby that can self settle, this means they can 'sleep through' and you likely won't even know they have been awake many times through the night. But if your baby can't fall asleep without your help at bedtime, he is going to need your help to go back to sleep each time he wakes in the night. Generally babies need the same settling technique during the night that they rely on at bedtime to get to sleep. So if you feed your baby to sleep at bedtime, it will seem that nothing apart from feeding to sleep will settle them in the night.Babies who also are continued to be helped to sleep at bedtime and through the night develop a reliance, or habit, on such help...and the night waking often gets worse rather than better as they get older. All babies, children and adults stir and wake many times in the night. But you can teach your baby that he can go back to sleep without needing your help, and this is when babies learn to 'sleep through the night'. You will be surprised at how quickly your baby will learn they can resettle themself in the night, once you decide on a plan and use it consistently. Sleep associations
One of the key issues to address with self-settling is sleep associations. This means what does your baby think he needs to fall asleep. If he has a sleep association that involves you, then he will think he needs YOU to fall back to sleep.
Self settling & dummies:If your baby has a dummy, you need to have a think about whether you are going to continue with this. How many times are you putting it back in during the night??? Many babies can fall asleep with a dummy and sleep through the night, as Mum or Dad doesn't rush back to put it in. Also with an older baby you can teach her to put it back in herself, using it to self-settle (putting several dummies in the cot makes it easier to find one too). So there is no hard and fast rule that says a baby can't have a dummy if they are going to learn to self settle. It depends on how you use it and that your baby is clear that you are not going to put it back in every time it falls out or they get to the end of a sleep cycle.
Click here for more information on dummies.
When can I start to teach my baby to self settle?If you have a newborn under 4 months, we recommend The Secrets of The Baby Whisperer. This will help you establish good sleep habits from early on, before any sleep associations and habits form. Using the feed, play, sleep routine is a really good start, as it will mean you aren't relying on a feed immediately before every sleep to settle your baby. If you are still struggling to calm your newborn's crying, we recommend The Happiest Baby for settling techniques before you worry about self-settling. You can start teaching your baby to self settle from day one, but from about 4-5 months it becomes an essential skill for all babies to learn. Once your baby is sleeping well and you are feeling confident, then you can start to work on self-settling. If your baby can't fall asleep by themself, then they are likely to start waking again once they are about 5 months old, as their sleep cycles start to change. We recommend starting on self settling once your baby is over 4-5 months. The sooner you do it, generally the quicker your baby will learn (as there is not months and months of habit to unlearn).
PreparationIt's a good idea to start teaching your baby to self settle when you have help from your partner or a family member. Also ensure that there are no other disruptions such as visitors staying or you are going on holiday. Ensure your baby is in a good routine, preferably with set times for day sleeps and bedtime. This ensures your baby knows what you expect and when you expect it, and this helps your settling training work much faster than if your schedule is completely flexible and baby isn't clear on when he should be sleeping. Save Our Sleep or The Sleep Easy Solution have excellent routines for feeding and sleeping. You may also need to have a good think about whether you are ready to commit to embarking on teaching your baby to sleep independently. For example, if you really love having your baby sleeping in your bed, nursing whenever he needs to resettle, then the conditions and timing might not be right to start a sleep program. If you would like to read more about this, read this excellent article by Elizabeth Pantley 'What is Preventing Your Baby From Sleeping Through The Night'. If you are going to use a settling method that involves leaving your baby to cry, make sure you have a clock or watch you can read in the dark. 10 minutes crying can sound like 2 hours in the middle of the night! We also recommend writing down how long it takes to settle your baby at each waking, so you can see you really are making progress. If at all possible, have your baby in their own room when you teach them to self-settle. The Ministry of Health recommends having baby in your room for the first 6 months to reduce SIDS risk, so ensure you have minimised all other SIDS risks and your baby is over 4 months. The highest risk for SIDS is mothers who smoked in pregnancy (90% of SIDS deaths), so if you did please stick to having baby in your room for 6 months.
Choosing a self-settling techniqueSo once you have decided it's time to stop rocking, feeding to sleep, driving round the block or however else you are getting your baby to sleep, it's time to choose a plan of attack. Many people will advise you to just leave your baby to cry and they will eventually fall asleep.... This is known as the 'cry-it-out' method, and is the best-known way to get babies to fall asleep by themself. However this is not appropriate for babies until at least 9 months. However there are a number of different ways to teach your baby to self settle. It's very important that you choose a settling technique that you are comfortable with, and can follow through with consistently at every sleep time and night-waking. Recent American research showed that all sleep programs eventually work, the key factor is to choose one approach and use it consistently. If you chop and change, and only try something for a couple of days, your baby just continues to be confused. Remember you are teaching your baby a new skill, and learning always takes lots of practice. Which technique you choose to teach your baby self settle is a very personal choice. Like so many parenting issues, there are strong & divided opinions about what is appropriate with teaching babies to sleep. Controlled crying and Cry it out have been used for many years. Provided the guidelines in the relevant books are followed, we are confident that they are effective and are in no way damaging to your baby. However if you are concerned about the effect of leaving your baby to cry for short periods of time, we recommend you choose a 'No Cry' technique. If you have other people helping to settle your baby, or baby goes to daycare, ensure that everyone involved in your baby's care agrees to follow the same settling technique. Consistency will avoid your baby receiving mixed message and will help you achieve self settling, and therefore sleeping through the night, faster. The age of your baby should also be taken into consideration when deciding the most appropriate settling technique for your baby. For example, 'Cry-it-out' is not recommended for babies under 9 months. We recommend being well informed before you start teaching your baby to self settle, particularly if you choose cry-it-out or a version of controlled crying. Listening to your baby crying is stressful and potentially upsetting, and if you are going to put yourself (and your baby) through that, please ensure you are doing it in a way that is going to be effective. The self settling techniques:Verbal reassurance:This is our most recommended self settling technique, as it works so quickly with the majority of babies. Feedback from parents who have used this technique tell us that their babies sleep often improves significantly within 1-2 nights, and babies are often sleeping through the night within 3-4 nights.This technique involves 'checking-in' with your baby after 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins. The check-in is a 30 second verbal reassurance from just inside the bedroom door, there is not patting, sssshing or cuddling involved. This works well for babies who get more irate if picked up or patted, then left again. Appropriate for babies from 4 months old upwards (while in a cot). We recommend using a Safe T Sleep or Babe Sleeper in conjunction with this technique, as it means your baby won't be standing up or crawling round the cot.
'No Cry' sleep techniques:Yes you can teach your baby to self-settle and sleep through the night, without using controlled crying or cry it out. These techniques can take longer to work, but if you are consistent and have other basics like routine in place, they will work for the majority of babies. These sleep programs work on the basis of gradual behaviour change, as you slowly move your baby towards being able to fall asleep without needing you there. They are most appropriate if you have been feeding or rocking your baby to sleep, and want to gently teach your baby to sleep independently. These techniques are also the best option if you co-sleep with your baby, and wish to continue to do that. There are 'No Cry' techniques appropriate for babies and toddlers of all ages.
Read our article on feeding to sleep for more info Read our article on Gently Waen your child off being rocked to sleep Limited or controlled crying techniques:With these techniques, you teach your baby to fall asleep independently by giving them the opportunity to do so. Many babies need a period of winding down to fall asleep, and by not letting them cry at all, they can miss the opportunity to learn to fall asleep. These techniques can work quickly with a lot of babies, however consistency is very important to making them work effectively. For example, if you use the controlled crying at 7pm, 10pm and 2am, then at 4am feed baby to sleep in your bed, the program is not going to work quickly, if at all. To use one of these programs, you need to be sure you can listen to your baby crying for a period of time and be consistent with how you respond. Like verbal reassurance, these techniques also give you a middle ground between not letting your baby cry and the cry it out method. Our experience is that verbal reassurance works faster, as parents find they can be more consistent with using the techniques.
Staying with your baby:This is a variation on the No Cry Sleep techniques, but it is likely to involve crying. Basically you give your baby a cuddle, say it's time to sleep, then put her in her cot. You can choose to pat and ssssh, roll her onto her side facing away from you, or just stay with your hand on her shoulder. If you are patting her, think of that as an intermediate stage. Once she learns to fall asleep with that, then change to patting until she is drowsy, then just stand next to her as she dozes off. For more information on this technique, see Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Suitable for any age. Cry it Out Method:The Cry It Out method means leaving your baby to go to sleep by them self. It will mean your baby crying them self to sleep and is definitely not suitable until babies are at least over 9 months. Sleep and behavioural psychologists call this the 'extinction method', and research has found it to be the quickest way to teach a baby to sleep independently. While this technique may be appropriate in some situations, we think the verbal reassurance method is far more effective, plus it does provide emotional reassurance for their baby along the way. Cry it Out is not suitable for babies under 9 months.
Well that depends who you talk to and what you read!! |
|
