The toddler sleep problem:
We have had problems with our 1 year old daughter. Last week I ended up on a mattress on the floor with her each night as she just woke up every time I put her in her bed and screamed but would sleep next to me on the mattress.
Also, I have problems during the day. It seems that she goes for 30mins to 1 hour at the most even though I know she is still tired. She seems to just sleep enough to keep going rather than be refreshed.
If I leave her she does not quieten down but gets more and more worked up to the stage that when I do get her out of her cot she sobs for at least an hour.
What more can I do?
Our recommended toddler sleep solution:
I think you will be able to get her sleeping through the night quite quickly, as soon as you can teach her to settle in bed by herself. This is because she currently has a sleep association with you, i.e. she thinks she needs you to be there for her to fall asleep. So when she stirs in the night or during a day sleep, again she thinks she needs you there for her to fall back to sleep.
There are a number of things that are going to help you with breaking this sleep association:
Teaching her to settle without you there:
You have 2 choices here – either a gradual withdrawal of you being there while she falls asleep or a settling method that involves leaving her to cry.
At her age the gradual withdrawal method will involve far less crying but a crying method would probably work quicker. So you will need to weigh up which you are more comfortable with, and whichever you go for, I recommend you be very consistent and stick with your plan until she is sleeping through. It’s also really crucial you use the same technique for all sleeps during the day, and with any waking in the night.
The gradual withdrawal method basically means you slowly get her used to falling asleep without you. So at present she goes to sleep on you. The next step is to slowly move to her falling asleep with you cuddling her in her cot. Then move onto her falling asleep with you patting her or holding her hand and so on. Over a few weeks you will progress to being in the room but not touching her, then not in the room at all when she actually falls asleep.
For more information on all these techniques, I highly recommend the wonderful ‘No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers'. This covers a range of toddler sleep issues from age 1 to 6 years, including needing a parent to fall asleep and midnight visits to the parent’s bed. A great investment for any mum of a toddler!!
If you are keen for a quicker solution, and are OK with some crying, you can choose between ‘controlled crying’ and ‘cry it out’. Controlled crying involves settling her for a couple of minutes then leaving the room for a couple of minutes to see if she settles and falls asleep. You increase the times for leaving her up to 10 minutes. For more information on this technique, you can have a look at the Sleepeasy Solution which is an excellent DVD that demonstrates the technique and answers your questions on how to do this effectively.
‘Cry It Out’ basically means leaving her until she falls asleep. It can be very hard to listen to the crying but this technique generally sees a result within 3 days. For more information, the NZ book ‘The Sleep Book’ covers all the FAQ and how to do it.
So choosing your plan for teaching her to fall asleep by herself is a personal choice, that both you and anyone else who puts her to bed needs to make and agree on. But you definitely need to do this and get her falling asleep in bed, by herself, or she will continue to wake in the night and need you to help her back to sleep.
BabyOK Babe Sleeper
Now your baby is standing in the cot it is going to make teaching her to self-settle more difficult than if she wasn’t standing. However this problem is easily fixed with the BabyOK Babe Sleeper, which is a sleeping bag attached to the base sheet. This means she can roll over or sit up, but not stand or climb out of the cot. It makes the self-settling so much easier, as the problem of her standing up is just removed completely.
You can then use a sleeping suit or a warm sleeping bag, such as a merino Woolbabe Bag inside the Babe Sleeper.
Routine:
I would also recommend that you look at her routine. I get great feedback on the routines from Save Our Sleep, and used them with my own 13 month old. These routines ensure that you use the feed/play/sleep philosophy, rather than having a bottle just prior to bed. While it doesn’t sound like feeding just prior to bedtime is the main cause for the waking, in the same way being held to sleep is, it’s probably not helping your baby sleep better either.
With the 6.40 feed, ensure she has at least 10 minutes of awake time after the bottle before going into bed.
Comfort blankie:
To assist your baby to fall asleep by herself I recommend getting her attached to a comfort blankie. Choose something small, that you can get to smell like mum, and your baby can find/hold during the night. You can get her attached to it by holding it when you are feeding her (put it between you and her) or sleeping a couple of nights with it under your top, then only give it to her at sleep times. Something soft and with satin is best, like a Taggies or Cuski.
Start using this as soon as you start your sleep plan, so as she gets more attached to it, you are working on her settling herself.
So I hope those suggestions give you a way forward. Deciding on the plan is the toughest part – once you start on the plan and really commit to doing what you need to do to get her to sleep by herself, it’s not going to take long. Just take one day at a time, and soon she will be sleeping through.